Goals & Ambitions

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"

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This is me in 2007 (the other girl is my best friend) when I was 18 years old. Around that time I was anywhere between 115-120 lbs. In 2008 I had a drug problem that continued to keep my weight low. When I met my boyfriend (now ex) he made me promise I would quit. Since I’ve been sober I’ve gain 20 pounds. Now that we’re broken up I feel ruined, like damaged merchandise. I’m not saying I would ever want to do drugs again, but I miss wearing cute clothes and showing off my tattoo(s). I know it’s not really his fault but I want so badly to blame someone. I hate him.

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Weigh In #5

Current Weight: 138.0

Daily Intake:

Bowl of cereal

Bagel and cream cheese

Cheese Balls (mini binge)

5 chicken wings

Notes: Too upset to write this last night. Needless to say it was a rough day. But I am proud to admit that I did manage to abstain from the ice cream I was craving. I will get better at this, I have to.

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Remember, the calories last longer than the craving.
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I’m craving vanilla ice cream with lots of chocolate syrup. I just had the worst day I’ve had in a long time. I found out my ex boyfriend has been texting some girl, I know we’ve been over for awhile now but it still hurts that he’s moving on so easily. Then at work all the girls treat me like their maid, and talk down to me like I have no idea what I’m doing. I spent $11,000 to go to school for this job and I’m pretty much a glorified janitor. The worst part is that I know more than they do! One of them didn’t know how to run a fecal, another didn’t know how to run a urinalysis, and another had no clue how to run the VetTest machine! (I’m a veterinary assistant, by the way) Then when I get home my dad comes home drunk and starts nagging at me to get off the computer, and since I’m currently crashing in my parents living room because I can’t afford my own place, I have no door to shut and no privacy. I just feel like such a failure. When’s it going to be my turn?

I’m craving vanilla ice cream with lots of chocolate syrup. I just had the worst day I’ve had in a long time. I found out my ex boyfriend has been texting some girl, I know we’ve been over for awhile now but it still hurts that he’s moving on so easily. Then at work all the girls treat me like their maid, and talk down to me like I have no idea what I’m doing. I spent $11,000 to go to school for this job and I’m pretty much a glorified janitor. The worst part is that I know more than they do! One of them didn’t know how to run a fecal, another didn’t know how to run a urinalysis, and another had no clue how to run the VetTest machine! (I’m a veterinary assistant, by the way) Then when I get home my dad comes home drunk and starts nagging at me to get off the computer, and since I’m currently crashing in my parents living room because I can’t afford my own place, I have no door to shut and no privacy. I just feel like such a failure. When’s it going to be my turn?

(Source: weheartit.com, via heyskinnysister)

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I wish I had the body (and the guts) to do this. I really do want to get a bike though. Riding a stationary bike at the the gym is boring, I want to actually go somewhere and have things to look at. Too bad I can’t afford one. I’m really debating on if I should continue with school and get my bachelors degree or just quit when I get my certificate. I’d like to have a degree, but that means a year and half more of school. And school means only working part time, which means no extra money for anything at all.

I wish I had the body (and the guts) to do this. I really do want to get a bike though. Riding a stationary bike at the the gym is boring, I want to actually go somewhere and have things to look at. Too bad I can’t afford one. I’m really debating on if I should continue with school and get my bachelors degree or just quit when I get my certificate. I’d like to have a degree, but that means a year and half more of school. And school means only working part time, which means no extra money for anything at all.

(Source: flickr.com, via cravingittybitty)

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Weigh In #4

Current Weight: 139.8

Daily Intake:

BINGE

Notes: I cannot even begin to list everything I ate today. It was way too much and way too unhealthy. I need to make drastic changes. I think I’m going to fast on Tuesday and Wednesday since I don’t work (being hungry at work or school is the worst). The bottom line is: no more excuses. The Super Bowl isn’t even a good excuse because I don’t even like football. At least Valentines Day will be easy to get through since I don’t have a boyfriend, no chocolates or candy for me!

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Today at lunch (at which I ate wayyyyy too much) I mentioned to my mom that I was 140 lbs. She said no way, that I looked 120 lbs. It was really sweet of her to say that, but I know it’s not true. I wondered if I’ve been fooling people about my weight for this long imagine what they’re gonna say when I actually AM 120 lbs!

Today at lunch (at which I ate wayyyyy too much) I mentioned to my mom that I was 140 lbs. She said no way, that I looked 120 lbs. It was really sweet of her to say that, but I know it’s not true. I wondered if I’ve been fooling people about my weight for this long imagine what they’re gonna say when I actually AM 120 lbs!

(Source: suivezlamode)

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An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person.
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I have such a cute tattoo on the side of my hip/lower back. I hope one day I’m thin enough to wear something like this and show it off. Just jeans and a t-shirt that shows just the right amount of tummy. I think while I’m working so hard to improve my weight I should use it as an opportunity to change other areas of my appearance I think need improvement. So I’m gonna set “mini goals” for myself and each time I reach one I’ll reward myself. Right now I’m 140 lbs, when I reach 130 lbs I’m gonna buy myself one of those teeth whitening kits, when I reach 120 lbs I’m gonna go get myself contacts so I don’t have to wear my glasses all the time, and when I reach my ultimate 110 lbs goal I’m gonna go on vacation!

I have such a cute tattoo on the side of my hip/lower back. I hope one day I’m thin enough to wear something like this and show it off. Just jeans and a t-shirt that shows just the right amount of tummy. I think while I’m working so hard to improve my weight I should use it as an opportunity to change other areas of my appearance I think need improvement. So I’m gonna set “mini goals” for myself and each time I reach one I’ll reward myself. Right now I’m 140 lbs, when I reach 130 lbs I’m gonna buy myself one of those teeth whitening kits, when I reach 120 lbs I’m gonna go get myself contacts so I don’t have to wear my glasses all the time, and when I reach my ultimate 110 lbs goal I’m gonna go on vacation!

(Source: branndix3, via tiny-timber-deactivated20110623)

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Weigh In #3

Current Weight: 137.8

Daily Intake:

Bowl of cereal

100 calorie cookie pack

Banana

Bowl of chili + piece of cornbread

POPCORN

Notes: My weigh in from yesterday is a little late because I did something terrible last night. I went over to my friends house to watch movies and hang out, and during the movie I just kept eating and eating and eating from the bowl of popcorn she had. I think I ate at least two bags. I felt so bloated. I know I wont be able to fast today because of my parents Super Bowl party, but I am going to try with all my might to keep my intake to a minimum. I will get better at this. It’s only the beginning. Practice makes perfect.

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